anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
