Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
