I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
