I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize