You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
