He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
