The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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