I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
