It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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