She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
