I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
