also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Randomize
