Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
