This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
