I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize