She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
