You work out of a Hotel?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
