You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
