I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
