I got chris browned last night
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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