it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
is wine microwaveable?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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