When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
