I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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