Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
