Have you finally orgasmed yet?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
