What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
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