I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize