I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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