fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
