i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
