if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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