I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
as a side note pls kill me
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
