It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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