You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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