didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
