Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
