i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
