Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
