having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
And then he peed in my hair
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