Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
