I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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