i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize