Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
