i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
