double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
