So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
