I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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