I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Randomize
