every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
