I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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