There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
