Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
