ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
