My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
