I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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