Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize