i need an iv and a liver transplant
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize