I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
