i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
