an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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