Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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