One girl and one boy is just not enough.
it hurts more in the daytime
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
