i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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