Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
