I am puke
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
