I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize