They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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