So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
