Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
