never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize