didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
