I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
