On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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