Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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