dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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