Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
