I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize