No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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