Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
