Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My ass is underappreciated
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
