Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
