I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
