Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
