This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
