he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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