i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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