im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
