i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I didn't notice because vodka
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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