I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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