Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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