so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
