words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize