Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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