And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
