that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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