So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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