it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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