either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
