Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
