i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Randomize
